Waiting for your period is like waiting for pain while getting a cavity filled. You know it's coming, and it's gonna hurt. This is especially true when it's been confirmed through bloodwork that you're not pregnant and to "call on the first day of your full flow." What the hell is full flow anyway? Do I have to have stains on my pants cause the tampon hasn't caught it all? Oh...and as for tampons...what are they effing talking about on those stupid tampax commercials where the girl is swinging about in a dress...like "oh, this solid cotton thing with a string feels so good in my crotch. Right.

On the other hand, we have the infamous "maxi pad"....um, does anyone else waddle when you walk due to the bulk of pad always making it way to the back of your panties??? And those "wings" they have, not sure about anyone else, but they NEVER stay attached to the under part of my panties. Ever. I'm not sure what the physical difference in the length of my crotch from standing up to sitting down is, but it must be huge cause standing up with a pad on fits, but then after sitting, it somehow relocates itself and says "hmmm...maybe she'll bleed from her butt instead...let's go hang out there for a bit." Hello?!?!?!?! You have sticky tape on you...stay in place! How I get blood on the part of my underwear where my pubic bone is...I'll never know.

OH, and why is it that if my husband happens to walk down the hallway while I'm wiping he cringes, yet he thinks it's ok to pull down his pants, bend over and talk to me from his butt?

Seriously.