My period is not my friend

Seriously, I'm beginnig to think that the uterus actually has arms with little mini boxing gloves which are completely undetectable by any technological device known to man....because it's trying to punch it's way out...of....my....body....

You know you've lost it when you trick yourself into believing that as long as you hold your breathe, the cramps will stop. So, basically...you're still in pain and your face is blue. Then you have to explain to your co-worker that you just have cramps...after they try giving you the heimlich maneuver because they're convinced you're choking on your lunch. But...I'm not saying I'm speaking from experience or anything...anyway....

One other lil tidbit to consider.... Name brand or generic? Now...when it comes to certain medicines or perhaps a window cleaner...I always get generic. It's cheaper. However, I will speak from personal experience in saying do not buy generic maxi pads. That is, of course, unless you want an origami shaped pad about to fall out of your panties. Oh yeah, it'll ball right up into an origami swan and then fall out of your pants onto the floor as you walk by the end of the day. Adhesive wings? Really? Because they worked about as well as trying to get a piece of paper to stick to the wall with oil. It just didn't happen.

OH...and the emotions! Over what you might ask? Um...I have no freakin clue!!!!! Why don't you ask my friends Estrogen, Testosterone and Progesterone. We're BFF'S apparently :) Yay.

Based on all of this...here's my last question. Why...why..why...why...after 6 years of being with my husband has he not learned yet that for this one week....one week!...just please please please PRETEND I'M RIGHT ABOUT EVERYTHING!!! I don't like liars, but please, please, please just lie to me for this one week. "no babe, you don't look bloated"..."yes Honey, I'd LOVE to do the dishes after I cook dinner!" and "yep, I remember you telling me that cause I was TOTALLY paying attention when you were yelling at me the other day." I mean, is it that hard???

I have to say though....my hubby takes the cake. He loves me, puts up with me, and tretches through everything with me. I wouldn't trade that non-liar for anything. :)

Sheeeeee's heeeeeeere

Last night around 8:30 I felt a slight thumping in my uterus. Abut 9ish it turned into, oh, how shall I say it....a STABBING/PUNCHING feeling. I went to the bathroom and sure enough, aunt flow is here for the week. It's good though, she needs to visit so I can start my next cycle, but it's always funny to me how easy it is to forget the pain that comes along with her. Today I'm experiencing mild yet excrutitating pain in my lower back, a sort of tug of war with my uterus and the floor beneath me...and overall waterfall works in my eyes with the slightest change in emotion. Oh, and keeping my eyes open is like holding your arms out to the side for hours on end...practically impossible.

I wonder if anyone would notice if I went out to my car and slept until 4:30????

Probably. Crap.

The Longest Fall Ever

This past Saturday night, my girlfriend and I were on our way to the Bucks game when we stopped for a red bull. Well, on our way out, I stepped in a pot hole and began my journey to the ground. It was seriously the longest fall I've ever had in my life. It start out with a wobble to the right and then a slight jerk to the front. I thought to myself "just stand up." Well, I couldn't, so I start to go down further, now my top half is moving more forward so I'm getting quite top heavy. I get to the point where I'm thinking "I can't believe I can't just stand up, what is wrong with me." So, I finally go down, smack my knee into the ground, somehow scrape up the top part of my hands and all I can think about is how my shirt came up and my belly is showing.

G.R.E.A.T.

My girlfriend is silent for about 5 seconds to which I just know she's laughing hysterically but she finally musters up the courage to ask if I'm ok. The two guys from the gas station come out to see if I'm ok and probably making sure I'm not going to sue them. So, we get in the car and I can hardly press the pedal becuase my knee is throbbing. We get to the game only to realize we parked on the wrong side. Our tickets were at will call on the other end of the arena. So, we start walking. OMG...my knee is killing me. We get in, start watching the game...all is well. Until....we go to get some food. I get a hot dog, slather on the kethcup and mustard and then what happens? It rolls off the counter onto the floor! Are you flippin kidding me? Luckily my friend got me a new one, they gave it to us for free which was so nice of them. We get back to our seats, and as I sit down, I bang the bad knee into the seat in front of me. OMG...I need to go home right now...clearly this night is not meant for me to enjoy!

I got home, looked at my knee and there was actually an indentation on the top of my knee cap. Well, today it's red, black, blue and purple and now my ankle hurts. Um...WTF?

Easter

Today we got up at 7 a.m., went to 8:15 Easter Mass and then hit up the local Walgreens where we, and every other last minute person scurried for easter cards and gifts. My brother got my mom a pink bunny that sang "yes, Jesus loves me", and Dave and I got my mom some peanut brittle and my step-dad starbucks coffee. Yeah, we're great gift givers. :)

Here are some photos of our day!

Waiting for your period is like waiting for pain while getting a cavity filled. You know it's coming, and it's gonna hurt. This is especially true when it's been confirmed through bloodwork that you're not pregnant and to "call on the first day of your full flow." What the hell is full flow anyway? Do I have to have stains on my pants cause the tampon hasn't caught it all? Oh...and as for tampons...what are they effing talking about on those stupid tampax commercials where the girl is swinging about in a dress...like "oh, this solid cotton thing with a string feels so good in my crotch. Right.

On the other hand, we have the infamous "maxi pad"....um, does anyone else waddle when you walk due to the bulk of pad always making it way to the back of your panties??? And those "wings" they have, not sure about anyone else, but they NEVER stay attached to the under part of my panties. Ever. I'm not sure what the physical difference in the length of my crotch from standing up to sitting down is, but it must be huge cause standing up with a pad on fits, but then after sitting, it somehow relocates itself and says "hmmm...maybe she'll bleed from her butt instead...let's go hang out there for a bit." Hello?!?!?!?! You have sticky tape on you...stay in place! How I get blood on the part of my underwear where my pubic bone is...I'll never know.

OH, and why is it that if my husband happens to walk down the hallway while I'm wiping he cringes, yet he thinks it's ok to pull down his pants, bend over and talk to me from his butt?

Seriously.